omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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