So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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