Nicole vs. Life
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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