I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
