i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
