my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
