about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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