Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
