the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
