Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
