Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
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