I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
