he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize