Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
