just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Sorry my hands just texted you
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
