Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
