You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
