Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize