Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
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