im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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