I think i peed on brittanys purse
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
