She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
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