Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
