Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
