So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
