I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
