he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
