brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
