i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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