I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
