so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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