i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
