Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
