This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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