I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think my fart just growled at me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
