Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
