she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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