Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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