your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
