a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
