sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize