I am in a vortex of obligation.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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