i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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