I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize