Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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