what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
