Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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