why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
