return my video game
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize
