i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
