Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
