I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
