Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Never underestimate the power of titties
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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