He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
where are my eyebrows?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
