I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize