dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
