theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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