Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
