Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
