We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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