Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
