I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
