FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
