The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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