There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
