Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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