I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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