The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
