I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
