Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
