I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
