This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
