Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
