She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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