So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
