Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This is my gift to your gina
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize