Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
