K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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