Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
