I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize