You can't motorboat a personality
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
