We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
