I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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