When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Drake has all the answers
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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