are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
