Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
