Well douche your snatch and let's go!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
