I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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