He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize