you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
