i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
