I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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