dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
