This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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