Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
