Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
