Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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