When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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